In which I am trying to understand myself, the world I live in and the people I share it with. I will blog about the things swirling around in my head and whatever crazy shenanigans I happen to get up to along the way.

we start our journey toward New York in less than four hours…

…sleep yes sleep might be a good idea imma try that one out yes

1 week ago   &   1




Ahaha I love this! Get to know me! :D 

1 week ago   &   1891

Natalie Dormer - People Magazine - October 2014Photographed by Simon Emmett

Natalie Dormer - People Magazine - October 2014
Photographed by Simon Emmett

1 week ago   &   28701

So I’m currently going through basically every internet page about this I can find, but it’s all more or less the same stuff so I might as well ask too…

Anyone want to share their stories/knowledge about aphasia?
Cause, symptoms, treatment etc? I don’t need the standard list off Google, I mostly just want to hear personal stories…

Just found out about this and I gotta tell you, it’s hitting really close to home…

Don’t laugh at my uh… uh…. aphasia


Chronic pain sufferers often have anomic aphasia - times when they can’t remember certain words or use the wrong word while speaking.

I have this, and it’s damn frustrating.

I can express myself perfectly in writing, but ask me where my car is and I might say it’s in the kitchen (instead of the garage).

That’s funny, right? “Ha ha, you said you parked the car in the kitchen! Ha ha ha!”

Sure it sounds funny. But to me, it’s not humorous. I feel stupid and frustrated and angry that my fucked-up brain misplaces common, everyday words. So please don’t laugh or make fun of me when it happens. Just be patient with me.

well damn.

1 week ago   &   818

"i’m a leaf on the wind. watch how i soar."

1 week ago   &   5
Anonymous said:
Could you explain the whole "i don’t really have depression, i’m actually just a lazy piece of shit" = you've got depression, thing? It rang a bell for me and I'd like to know what you meant. Thanks :)


one of the most insidious things about depression is it doesn’t ‘feel’ like depression. even when you have it, you know you have it, you’ve been diagnosed—you still find yourself thinking, no, nope, this isn’t it, can’t be. it’s like the mental illness equivalent of that knight in monty python that keeps going ‘it’s a flesh wound! i’m fine, really! this is just a scratch, i’ll be up in a moment!’ even after all his limbs have been hacked off and he’s lying there helpless.

one of the most common narratives around it is that no one realizes they have depression until they start checking off what they consider to be normal aspects of their lives—and personal character flaws— against the checklist for depression symptoms. really key symptoms include:

  1. lack of motivation
  2. constant tiredness, even exhaustion
  3. finding no pleasure or satisfaction in activities they used to like, or that they know should feel good
  4. not seeing the point of doing anything
  5. increased and even unmanageable anxiety and fearfulness

any one of these symptoms drains away your ability to do work, cope with setbacks, overcome difficulties, or stop procrastinating. multiple symptoms create a pretty perfect storm of intertia and anxious self-loathing. you stop doing anything because it’s hard to get going, unpleasant while you’re at it, and afterwards there’s no reward. why bother, right? and when you’re always tired you get conservative of what little energy you can manage, and when you only feel emotions on the ‘empty to miserable’ spectrum you get really aversive to making mistakes. the whole mess very quickly and very insidiously loads every single thing in your life with toxic emotional baggage.   

and then someone says to you— or you say to yourself, ‘stop being lazy’. and that haunts you forever. because you’re lazy! the work is so easy. everyone else does it. everyone but you, you lazy asshole, lying around all day not doing this totally easy thing that you should be able to but aren’t. you don’t have depression! of course not. mental illness is for victims, is for blameless innocent people who can’t be blamed for being so understandably sick. but you can be blamed. you have a character flaw, and it’s getting worse by the minute. 

and that is how people who have been diagnosed, who have been medicated, who have been through therapy, can still spend all day hiding in bed and chewing themselves up over their failure to just somehow magically be a good, healthy, useful person, instead of treating themselves to a sick day and saying ‘yup! it’s depression. i need to be kind to myself.’

2 weeks ago   &   13558

When you don’t have any lamps yet, you gotta use what you have.

First night in the new apartment!
5 October 2014.

3 October 2014.

3 October 2014.

2 weeks ago   &   1

3 Oktober 2014.

Picture #1: We checked if the sofa we wanted to buy fitted in our apartment. Using books. Because why not.

Picture #2: Picked up the table and chairs we’d bought. Also the sofa but I didn’t take a picture of that.

Picture #3 & #4: Got stuck in a traffic jam. Took us almost an hour and a half to get three kilometres. My leg started to cramp up toward the end, but otherwise it was weirdly pleasant to watch the cars and people around you and count the cars who drove illegally in the bus lane. After we got out of it we got lost twice and that was less nice though. Got the sofa anyway so that’s yay.